Marriage and relationship counseling is ideal for those seeking answers to issues plaguing their marriage or relationship. However, often the answers come in a form you might not be quite ready to accept. For example when married couples or those who have been in a relationship for some time, go to counseling, they may well want the psychologist or counselor to choose who is right and who is wrong. But rarely is this the case.
The issue is not so much a matter of who is right and who is wrong but more how couples are dealing with the issues that arise in their relationship or marriage. This can be easily seen when it comes to feelings. How often do we hear ?You made me angry?! The truth is nobody has that kind of power. One of the hardest yet most rewarding lessons in life is to realize we control our own emotions, no matter how much we feel that it is the other person?s fault.
?You made me angry!? ?Well don?t give me that kinda power ? own your own feelings!?
Marriage and Relationship counseling can help you ?own? your own feelings
So one of the main lessons is to own our own feelings.
It takes a bit of practice but it?s worth it and very powerful. It then takes away the need for someone to be right and someone to be wrong.
Another powerful lesson is to look at the pattern of behaviors we set up in our lives, our marriages, our relationships. It becomes quiet amazing when you start to see patterns in your behavior that you have become comfortable with. Believe it or not people can grow comfortable with anger and hate.
Let?s take someone who has grown up feeling not wanted. You may have felt unloved as a child, treated badly growing up or feeling as though you were never good enough.
When this type of thing occurs it can leave the person with low self esteem. When this has occurred over a long period, most of your life in fact, it becomes familiar. As weird as it sounds, the idea of not going around with low self esteem would be quite foreign. When you hear this type of information for the first time it does seem a little crazy. We all like to think we can control our feelings (except when we have that allusion of blaming someone else for how we feel!), so how could someone ?choose? to go around with low self esteem? Marriage and relationship counseling can help uncover our true motives of behavior, whether it be low self-esteem, feeling unloved ? all those sort of inner feelings that can often be hard to decipher or explain until we get professional help. Once what ?drives? us has been discovered, we can start to uncover how we operate ? including identifying the type of people we attract into our lives and the behaviors we set up that may lead to an unsatisfactory marriage or relationship.
Why does everyone keep treating me like I?m a punching bag? Anybody would think I look like one!
In summary, marriage and relationship counseling can help identify underlying thought patterns and feelings that drive our life. It really is life changing to begin to understand how we think and feel and how that may be influencing our choices in life. It is very empowering to then know we have the ability to change the direction our life can head in. It doesn?t necessarily mean leaving a relationship, it could mean empowering ourselves through better decision making and having greater ownership of our thoughts and feelings.
As much as marriage and relationship counseling can give you handy advice, it works so much better when you are more secure within yourself.
Mark Lockyer is a qualified Social Worker and Teacher with extensive experience in the relationship field. He is also the creator of the web site http://www.gr8relationships.com
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